Chatty Cashiers

So I was getting my start of the semester shopping done at Wegman's, and I decided that no condiment kicks off the semester quite like a huge 46 ounce bottle of ketchup. So while standing there at the cash register, minding my own business and waiting to pay for my stuff, the cashier, who was probably in his mid to low 20's, decides hes gonna strike up a 4 and a half minute conversation about my gigantic ketchup bottle.

As if it wasn't bad enough that 3/4 of my diet throughout college has consisted of foods that I eat with ketchup, now i gotta listen to this guy crack bad jokes about my beloved bottle of tomato and chemicals which, despite its humongo size, fits ever so snuggly on my cheaply made refrigerator door. "Thats quite a bottle of ketchup you got there!" he tells me.

After his not so clever quip, he decides hes gonna move onto hot sauce, another one of my favorite condiments. He recounted his glorious days when he made 250 bucks by betting his friends that he could chug an entire bottle.

His proud moment of glory reminded me of a momentous occasion of my own. In sophomore year my friends and I bet a kid 5 whole dollars that he couldn't chug a bottle of hot sauce. But he went ahead and chugged that shit like it was a freshly popped bottle of crystaal. Five glorious minutes later he puked a mixture of hot sauce, cheap liqour, and keystone light, right into the very garbage can we so smoothly set aside in the hopes that it would come to this.

I'm guessing the cashier chose to leave out that part of his story.